They say necessity is the mother of invention.

Gatorade Margaritas

Well, a while back I was hankering for a margarita but was without limes. Or even lemons.   Oh, and I also did not have any ice.

Which meant I was pretty much screwed. After all, pretty much any margarita recipe calls for limes or lemons.  And, um, ice.

What I did have, in addition to some tequila and triple sec — the active ingredients in any margarita — were several ice cold bottles of Pepsi’s diet sports drink, Gatorade G2.  We had recently bought a case of it at the Costco and I recalled that the lime flavored one was pretty good.  Figuring “How bad could it be,” I opened a bottle and took a swig to make some room.  I backfilled the container with a healthy shot of tequila (1800 Reposado, if you must know, although it probably doesn’t matter much in this recipe).  I didn’t bother with the triple sec.

It was surprisingly good.

It’s not as good as making it using the Official Manzine Margarita Recipe, of course.  But good.  And, if it’s cold enough, it’s still better than your average chain restaurant frozen margarita.  It’d probably be better with a little triple sec and poured into a salted glass filled with crushed ice.   But, frankly, if you’re going to go through that much trouble just make a real margarita.

Gatorade Rum Punch

Inspired by the above success, I attempted to expand on the technique using the “red” flavored G2.  ( I think it’s supposed to taste like fruit punch and they come close enough for a reduced calorie sports drink. )   I took a swig (notice the precision of the measurement; that’s key here) and backfilled with some rum.  (In this case, some dark rum that we’d brought back from the Bahamas.  Again, I wouldn’t reach for the top shelf.)

Another success!

Again, there are doubtless better rum punch recipes out there.  But few simpler, quicker ones.

The Grape Dilemma

The third flavor in the assortment pack is grape.   I haven’t really liked artificially grape flavored beverages since I was a kid.   I’m not sure what kind of alcohol one would pour into the grape to replicate a more complicated cocktail, as I do not drink any cocktails that are purple.   If, however, you do give it a try!   And let me know how it turns out.

Note:  No, I did not receive any compensation for PepsiCo, Costco, or anyone else for this post. Not even any free Gatorade.  If any Gatorade advertisements appear on this post, it’s a function of how the advertisements are served by a third party.

Over the years quite a lot of you have asked about how to start brewing your own beer. The short answer is that it’s pretty easy! Find your nearest homebrew supply store and introduce yourself. Most of those guys love to help beginners get started, and the few jerks won’t mind if you keep going to the next homebrew shop down the road.

As an added incentive to get yourself started, here are FAQ-formatted answers to questions that would-be homebrewers often ask.

How much time does brewing take?

Making good beer takes about a month total, although the brewer only needs to work for about six hours of that. Brew day generally needs about three hours. Then you give the yeast a week or two in a primary fermenting vessel (usually an eight-gallon plastic bucket with lid). You usually siphon the beer into a secondary fermenter where it sits for another week or two to clean up the flavors. Bottling takes another three-ish hours of work, then two more weeks for bottle-fermenting. Then you’re ready to go.

How much does it cost?

If you buy everything new, the durable goods for your first batch should cost $70-100. I would spend another $50-$100 for useful extras such as a copper-coil wort chiller, a tap-threaded bottle washer and a secondary fermenter, but you can go without if cost is a problem. Consumables for each batch will range from as low as $15 for a pre-mixed syrup with dry packet yeast (that you will probably regret) to $60-$70 for a high-alcohol specialty recipe with exotic ingredients. Expect to spend about $40 for the ingredients in a typical medium-strength beer recipe.

How much beer will I get per brew?

One 5-gallon batch produces two cases worth of beer. If filling and capping forty-eight bottles sounds like no fun, either use larger 22-oz bottles or look into kegging at home.

Can I make my favorite kind of beer?

With one notable exception, the answer is almost certainly yes. Homebrewers have diligently reverse-engineered ‘clone’ recipes for nearly every commercial brew on the market. If you want to make your own homemade Dead Guy Ale, the odds are pretty good that a recipe is already out there. Further, most beer styles are doable once you know the basics. The major exception to this rule is lager beer. The lagering process is ultra-sensitive to mistakes, making it an unforgiving style for beginners. Worse, you basically cannot do it at all unless you have access to temperature-regulated cold rooms. If you need lager beer then keep buying cases of Budvar until you get quite good at turning out porters and pale ales.

Where can I find out more about brewing?

(1) Find a shop near you and get to know the guys who work there. Either they will be thrilled to help you get started, or you shouldn’t shop there anyway. (2) The book list here is a great place to start. I enjoyed The Complete Joy of Homebrewing; others recommend The Brewmaster’s Bible.

How much space will I need?

Unless you have particular skill with stacking things, plan to set aside a small dining room table’s worth of space somewhere in your property. Basement space is a prime spot for cases of empty bottles and unused gear.

That covers most of the questions that non-brewers typically ask, but we are not done yet. Here are a couple more points that will save many novice brewers from pain and tears.

How do I keep my beer from turning bitter, nasty, full of stringy crap and exploding out of overpressurized bottles?

Both yeast and bacteria can potentially grow on sugary mash. You want yeast to win. Hops keep bacteria under control to some degree, but hops won’t save the batch if you handle it carelessly. Here are a few tips from a guy who uses sterile technique for about ten hours most week days. First of all, everything that touches the beer gets soaked first with no-rinse sanitizer. No-rinse works better for me than the other kind because you just soak, drip-dry and you’re ready to go. Once the initial boil is done I handle everything with rubber kitchen gloves, and I keep those sterile by routinely dunking in a bucket of the same no-rinse sanitizer. Finally, I avoid leaving my beer open to the air as much as possible. After fifteen batches without bacteria I’d say that the trouble is worth it.

The second way to keep bacteria under control is to use pre-grow your yeast in a decent-sized ‘starter culture’. To do this, prepare a one-liter ‘growler’ bottle of mash two days before the main brew day and pitch your yeast in that. 48 hours later the yeast should be awake and fermenting like mad. When you pitch a vigorous starter culture into your main brew, the yeast will have the beer up to 5% alcohol before bacteria can get their pants on.

What is the most dangerous moment in brewing?

This question has two answers. The biggest red zone of your entire brewing career unquestionably comes at the particular moment when your sugary mash first starts to boil. Unattended mash WILL foam over onto the stovetop. Then you get a thick layer of sticky, smelly, burned goo on and around your burners, on the floor and spreading. If this happens on your very first batch, with a skeptical spouse looking over your shoulder waiting for exactly that to happen, there may not be a batch #2! To prevent this, keep a brewing thermometer in your mash and watch it like a hawk for the moment when it crosses over to a rolling boil. As soon as foam starts to rise, lift the whole pot off the burner and wait for the foam to settle back down, then return the pot to the burner. Depending on how strong you want your beer, you need to repeat this process three to five to eight times before the mash settles into a clean rolling boil. Also, do not cover a pot of boiling mash, ever. Trust me.

Brewing also involves involves several steps where you need lift your batch to something elevated like a chair to siphon it into another container. A 5-gallon batch of beer weighs about 45 pounds, so lift with your knees! There is a 50% chance that you have a greater-than-average risk of straining your back.

Now, as Hillel might have said, go home and brew.

This essay was previously published at Balloon Juice as “A Homebrewing Guide For The Perplexed.” Image courtesy Boing Boing Gadgets.

Men tend to like heavy red wines, dark beers, and whiskey cocktails.  And, goodness knows, there’s nothing wrong with that.  But, with the thermometer over 90, it’s time to reach for cooler libations.

Beer

While I like stouts and pales ales as much as the next guy, wheat beers are perfect for summertime.

Sure, you could always emulate President Obama and have a Bud Light.  But if you want a beer that’s both light going down and yet actually tastes good, nothing beats wheat.  I’m particularly partial to Ayinger, Magic Hat’s Circus Boy, and Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat.  But there are plenty of good ones out there.   Shock Top, distributed by the makers of Michelob, is widely available. Widmer’s and Sam Adams hefeweizen.  Or, in a pinch, you can go with Blue Moon, a favorite of Obama’s drinking buddy, Sergeant James Crowley.

Wine

While I drink a lot of reds during the cooler months, especially pinots, shiraz, and zinfandel, they’re a little much in the heat.  (Although, if you’re going to be inside in the air conditioning the whole evening, knock yourself out).  All manner of whites and rosés are great for sipping out on the patio during the summer.

Because I grew up on them, I’m especially partial to German Rieslings and the various Qualitätswein such as Liebfraumilch and Spätlese, which can be served ice cold or even, if you’re into that sort of thing, with a splash of soda.  They may be a bit sweet for some but they’re quite refreshing in the heat.

Cocktails

For my taste, martinis are great year round.  I prefer mine classic, with gin and vermouth and a twist of lemon (hold the olives, though) but I’m not proud; I’ll drink a vodka martini, too.  But, as Christopher Hitchens explains, martinis are like breasts: one is too few and three is too many.  So it’s a starter drink, not something to drink all night.

Nothing beats a mojito for sustained summertime drinking.   See Matt Mahaffey’s Perfect Mojitos By the Pitcher recipe for an easy-to-remember, easy-to-prepare way to make them in bulk so you can spend your time drinking rather than mixing.

The Tom Collins — basically gin, lemonade, and soda — is another classic cocktail that’s perfect for summer.  You can drink these all afternoon without worry, presuming you’re not driving.  And there’s always the Mint Julep, which is essentially a mojito made with bourbon instead of rum.

My colleague Alex Knapp puts the Old Fashioned on the list, too, although I think they’re more appropriate during cooler weather.  Then again, he’s a bigger whiskey drinker than I am, generally.

Dessert Drinks

I’m not talking about girlie drinks with umbrellas in them although, in all candor, I won’t turn down a decent rum punch or mai tai.  Hell, I’ll even drink a piña colada if I’m on an island vacation somewhere.

But I digress.  I added this section mostly to extol the virtues of Limoncello, a delightful Italian liqueur that’s always in my freezer.  As you’d suspect, it’s lemon flavored and sweet.  And great after a summertime meal.  (Not all that bad during other seasons, either, truth be told, but they’re best when it’s hot out.)

German Eiswein, or any kind of “ice wine,” is also quite refreshing with your summertime desserts.   They’re somewhat expensive by volume but, frankly, you’ll only want a small glass of this.  It’ll keep for the next meal but, in the spirit of the season, crack open a bottle at a summer barbecue with some friends.